Its up to him. #pov after my mom died my dad wants to move to the city. mom dies Sure, I want him to be happy, but does he really have to be so doggone thrilled and gleeful about it? I cannot emphasise enough that there may well be a case of self-preservation here. To make it worse my Dad moved 7 hours from all of us kids and we havent heard from him very often. He was very nervous during the entire conversation (like he has been since he started bringing up about talking to these women). I cant pretend to like someone. I sent a letter apologizing for my part in the argument and for hurting her feelings in the past, and Ive tried calling just to talk. My dad and his new Colombian girlfriend have been going on vacation like crazy, Shes completely moved in, and her son overtook my own bedroom. What I, and it sounds like many others here, think is inappropriate is possibly the timing involved- being so soon after our mothers death, and the insensitivity towards our feelings of grief and loneliness of having lost our mothers. I felt at one point I could not cope. Now, friends and she permed and we share a picture of a support group a few months ago. How do I make peace with no longer having a relationship with my father and his lack of relationship with my daughters? I wasnt thrilled but she came and we had fun. I have been dating a man who lost his wife to cancer and let me tell you I feel like I have committed a major crime for dating this man so soon after his wife died. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. He invited her in. I had and my sister definitely had because she was a paramedic. She might not come or she might take him to her home for several days until she was bored and then drop him back. I do know that I took my Dads death much harder than my mother did. i feel as though he hasnt repected me at all as hes skipped most of the important things in my life to constantly go visit her. Obviously, a liver issue meant the cancer was in more than 1 organ by the time she knew. From reading the other posts, it appears the only answer it to wait for an unspecified length of time or wait and hope that the children will approve. My Dad went on a date with a mutual friend of theirs within one month, which I was astounded by. Finally, once we visited our parents home and we could comfortably sit and chat again with our dad without this woman hanging around. She complained a few years ago because her daughter and family called her on New Year and she couldnt be bothered to speak to them. I live too far away. I was nervous, she hadnt made any effort to get to know me. I dont think you understand. tread lightly and keep your business to yourself and you may find the adult children will come around. I would have had no problem with their friendship because I didnt want him to be lonely but my mother was a good mother & wife to him for 60 years, raised their 3 children together & helped him run a business for most of those years before retiring together. I once believed for a while she loved him rather than he was useful to her but unfortunately I no longer can receive solace from this idea. I am finding myself angry with him and frustrated. my parents were married for 42 years. I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. Their union spanned 30 years and they have an adult child. It was truly the hardest thing I ever had to do. I love my dad but it hurts too much to hear him exclaim his great love for this woman at this point. 20 years ago she, too, was in an accident that almost killed her. I dont want to be old and alone. They visit for birthdays and events. I told her how much that upset us. All caregiving stories matter. The new year came by and I finally excepted that my parents were going there own direction. I guess since I was close to my mother, I just dont understand Ellens relationship with her sons. First off do you have to be the one to live alone? Naturally, I know there are exceptions to this rule but I speak in general terms. Honestly, Im at a loss. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were It just takes work; maybe lots of work, but you can do it! Its been three years since my mother passed away and I am still finding it difficult to be around my dad and his new wife. But thats the issue here for me, recognition that we still need time and space, and respect and sensitivity to having her in our lives so soon after loosing our Mother. I dont knowI feel like a jerk for saying these things but Im really upset about the particular circumstances surrounding this relationship. Whats wrong with me? Now shes struggling financially & its my fault. Her name is not on the account, but mine is! I have always felt he could have waited longer than 5 months after my moms death to date and move in with another woman, I believe it was in very poor taste, and he did not honor his and my mothers relationship by doing so. And another thing that I've found very important is to let her remember, and when her memories start making her sad, try - through how you speak to her and interact with her - to turn them into something to be treasured and happy for. Our only choice would have been to cut our losses. Love does not delight in evil but rejoice with the truth. He said just for companionship and a friend. Basically help her keep it together. His girlfriend had the nerve to come without him, then pull me aside when she was there just to tell me that she wasnt trying to replace my mom and we should honor her at all occasions. Ive studied alcoholism a lot, and for those of you stricken by our societies version of it, please understand it really is a disease and NOT a choice. I wish you well and hope that your pain is healing and that your children are coping with their loss. Many times, she would make the entire dinner and transport it to my nieces place, leaving them with food for the week. She was after my father for 40 years! Now a word to those of you that think your dad or your mom or whoever is moving on too soon, and cite for evidence it has only been 2 years, or 5 months, or 1 year, or whatever. Amongst other things I turned to biking as a release. Even my 18 year old daughter says about her granddad, Hea acting like a teenage who just broke up with his girlfriend and is in a rebound relationship. Only, his girlfriend was his wife for 54+ years. I feel so alone and I just miss them both so much and the way that things used to be. Just send him a link to this webpage. I would make sure to talk about my He constantly is trying to one up me, that his loss is greater than mine, since I still have my husband. So ever since this happened Ive been cordial but I dont accept her. She says he is trying to turn her into my mom. It is almost like two deaths in one. I understand he has to get on with his life but he picked the first thing that came along and I think he feels like he has to settle because of his facial/body disfigurments. The pain is a part of me now, and it always will be. Looking for novel in all the wrong places? My momma lost a long battle with lung cancer, and her death hit me the hardest in the family. (I'm 23, if that counts for anything.) Now my father and his wife have asked by written correspondence to be able to take our daughters, seven and nine, for a few days. For that he must bear responsibility. I'm really really close with my dad, so I can't imagine how you're doing right now. Its been over 3 months since she passed and it still feels like I relive it at least once a day. I dont know how to cope with this, I just keep hoping that she will leave my dad like because she does not deserve the amazing man that he is. PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND WHY I AM SO ANGERY ,THEY THINK ITS ABOUT THE MONEY THAT I WONT IT?COUPLE OF MY BROTHERS ARE ANGRY TOO BUT THE OTHERS ARE GETTING INVOLVED AND SOME GOING WITH DAD.I KNOW I MUST GET ON ,BUT IM SO SAD,I CANT GET NEAR THE PHOTO OF MUM OR VIDEO.I WAS TOLD THE PEOPLE WHO LOOKED AFTER MUM SHOULD GET HER THINGS. This continued for a couple months until he finally told me he was dating her. So I thought I would reach out to this community. I truly want her to be happy and have tried step back and look at the situation from an outsiders perspective but I am having great difficulty. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, me and her were so close. I cannot be grateful for a woman who has stepped in and commandeered control of my father and my family. Well the evening ended, said to my husband on the way home I know where my moms ROLEX watch is he says on the new wife wristOMG I wasnt seeing things, I told my middle sister so the next time we saw them she took a look and yup, I was rightShe is still wearing it to this day and that just makes me sick How do I deal with it? However, my grief is still fresh and often debilitating. I dont think his girlfriend should be living there after dating 3 months and then remove my mothers things so she feels more comfortable there. And because I told people that I didnt want to talk about it, eventually, they listened. I was a faithful husband and am a responsible, loving father, but I after burying a brother and a wife, I know that life is too precious to waste. Now that times are hard, hes working at Wal-mart and my father-in-law is working the original shop and his girlfriend is having high success at the second shop. . We had a great time. This came out of the blue, as I had just seen him several months prior and there was NO mention of him ever wanting to get back into the dating pool. These dinners were pretty casual (March-April 2013). We no longer had any type to normal life didnt do anything together. Finally, we had a 3 hour discussion where I was able to say how I felt about everything for the past 8 years. My mom passed away 2 years ago and I have always been accepting that my dad would need to find someone to spend time with. Mum shocked to be called. I feel exactly as you have written. I had spent the previous week crying 24/7, and to put it bluntly, I was simply tired of blowing my nose. My mom wanted to make sure to pass some of why her mother passed on to us, her kids. I put myself into survival mode and protected my children with all the strength and energy I had. Even I never expected his woman friend would be so callous as to abdicate all responsibility after 35 years of being together. My mom passed in Jan. A recent widow called my dad in March.. Is it possible these people are sometimes looking for financial gain? Psychologically, knowing that the visit is almost resented because I am not her is hard going. Am stressed. When driving back from hospital the other week he asked who would be taking him back the following day. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished in front of us. Shed tell me who she had spoken with that day and what she was watching on tv. If you are willing to sacrifice your life for your family and let your husband be the breadwinner, be absolutely certain that if their breadwinning capacity is taken away through disability or death, that you are still taken care of through proper insurance. Im the girlfriendhe has 5 adult kidsALL in their 40s1 is a daughter thats spoiled and MEAN, daddy pays for everything_> her bills >she dont even has to work! We all are afraid to be alone. Did my father support my sister? After a year of my distancing myself and my family ,due to awkward and mean conversations with him, he called me one evening yelling swearing and finally telling me I was never to be in contact we him ever again, then hanging up on me! Well he & Stepmother # 1 were married for 20 years when she passed away. I would NEVER dream of discussing my sex life with him. And they honestly dont have to answer to anyone but the man upstairs. Dear N, I dont understand her and I never will. We have to look outside ourselves, our own feelings, we cant control how anyone feels, but we can control our actions and we can work on ourselves and challenge ourselves to do something uncomfortable ( especially for your dad) he has done so much for you , for your family, for your late mother or loved one. Try to find non-intrusive or organic ways when you can say, "mom, I'm here for you." Speaking of clothes, she has over 28 bathing suits that she has made. (Shallow of me I know.) So how, after your few months of experience, do you think yourself qualified to predict your feelings years into the future? He still craved that companionship and the want to be close to a woman again. If it wont come from my mom I hope it would come from Cecil to say no to sleeping in the condo and wearing my moms clothes. That is why I really cant feel bad towards this womanif it wasnt her, it would be someone else. You focus on taking care of your family and your mother needs to focus on taking care of hers. He didnt tell any of us- he just did it. My husband reserved judgement when he first was told about her and believed she couldnt be so bad and that it was the timing that was an issue. Just more pain, more hurt, more sadnessI only hope I would never cause anyone the pain that this has caused me and my family. Its hurtful because he is excited to be able to take her to see the sights when he visits me. Thank you. Military Losses Often Complicated by War Coverage. WowI really feel your pain. As someone stated below, I too feel as if it is never going to get better. When a spouse leave this earth what is the widow or widower is suppose to do with the remaining of their life. We bonded like we hadnt ever. My dad was 60 years old and had recently undergone brain surgery for a blood clot on his brain. I got word through the grapevine that Ellens mother was telling her biological grandchildren that she had to treat me, my kids and my brother the same as them, blah, blah, blah. At first we were being invited to some of their family get-togethers that I politely declined as I did not feel comfortable attending them. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. Im going insane, and waste all day being unproductive as I think about how unfair and how much I hate her. My dad showed me photos of her modeling them for her. Wow. From what he tells me she has helped him through a difficult time and how can I be happy knowing that he is not. WebAnswer (1 of 2): Do you want to? For example, my dad and my sister used to go sailing together all the time they were very close; yet, now he refuses to do ANYTHING with any of us, ever, unless his wife is also present. I was raised with 2 moms who spent their lives together for 50 years together my mothers adopted us me and my eldest sister my mom who acted as the father type in our family died 2018. Don't like this guy and suddenly at different. My sister & I cry many times throughout the day. We were surprised, but happy for him if he was happy. Ironically, I spent the entire week with many of my wifes nephews and relatives in a camper and tents. However, as big events come up in our lives, issues come up. And $400/month for a phone bill? However dont be mad at him for having a friend. to deal with this woman was challenging as admitting that this woman existed I had to admit a few other things: Tiffany. Before the argument, we had some discomfort about leaving our daughters with them. Its a mess.. on the out side . My first thought was WTF but once a selfish person always a selfish person. I will need to go in July to help my sisters clear out my moms thingsIm expected to do this. I have dealt with my dad by having my time with him we have a set luncheon date once a week and we have a set day once a week to spend with each other. P.S Sorry for the typo in last post should read threw herself at him, Hi,I was just re-reading these posts and I wanted to address some of the points made by Todd Paxman in posting 54. Your email address will not be published. Anyway its sad that others are going through the sort of same situation I am. .and he fell right back into this terrible situation. Chances are the desire to see the grandchildren is coming from your father. And.. Although, I support him having a new life with a new lady friend, but not this soon. Its a beautifully horrifying memory that is vivid to this day. Im glad I found this, too.. Im glad to know Im not alone.. And also by the looks of the stories, mine is not quite as intense as others. Let go. I found this website yesterday. Any comments? It was a shock!! My mom started dating someone just after Christmas and it came as a shock to me because within the weeks prior to Christmas she stated that she wasnt ready to date anyone yet. That's what people do when they start their own families. Then we get an email from our dad on new policies of his home,on what we can do and cant do, to what bathroom you can use that is another story in itself. I feel bad more for my sisters, but also why cant my mother get a job & step up for them? Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. I accept him having a companion, but not one that draws a wedge between him and I. I dont think Ill ever be able to except her. But I do agree the but family thing is just bs.

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